What on earth is THAT....?!

I've bought a wig off Ebay for our Halloween party tonight. 


Don't know what I was thinking...... it was a triumph of hope over expectation.

In the listing photo it looked fantastic.  Described as Morticia Black Widow Witch Sorceress Wig Halloween the photo showed a fantastic creation with glossy black and red tendrils reminiscent of Medusa.

I was convinced it would instantly transform me into a sultry ravishing creature...

Ha!

The Ebay listing WOULD have been bang on, had it described the wig as "Flat Matted Rat's Nest Dragged Through A Hedge Backwards".

I spent an hour last night trying to get it to even vaguely resemble the photo on the pack, with the aid of half a can of hairspray.  If it wasn't flammable before (which it was) it will go up like a rocket if I even get within a foot of a candle flame tonight.

I've even had a go it with a pair of nail scissors, which, if I'm honest, hasn't improved it any.

*sigh*

Anyway, here's what it should look like.  

Needless to say the wig looks nothing like that, and I look nothing like the model.  Even if I was photoshopped to within an inch of my life I wouldn't look anything like her.  If I'm lucky I might just carry off a moderately successful resemblance to Danny La Rue.

Don't even get me started on the false eyelashes.  I had a trial run with them earlier and Small Dog nearly had a conniption fit when she saw me.

I don't expect to survive the evening with even a modicum of dignity intact, but hopefully at least everyone else will look equally hilarious.

Photos may (or may not) be forthcoming in the fullness of time.....

First in the queue..........

Not quite sure what Small Dog is hoping to sing......

 

How Much Is That Doggy In The Window....... You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog........ Old Shep........

 

Nonetheless she is resolutely first in the queue for the karaoke black hole tomorrow.

 

God help us all.......

You're fired...........

I've totally had it with new technology which promises the earth and delivers bugger all.

When we had our new kitchen fitted a few years back (conscientious followers will remember the sturm and drang) we bought an 'all singing, all dancing' new oven.

Amongst its myriad features was the fact that it claimed to be self-cleaning.

Pshaw,pish, tush etc.........

It SO ISN'T self cleaning.

Even Small Dog, who has no pretensions to be self cleaning keeps herself cleaner.

Seeing as how we have a multitude of friends descending tomorrow for our Halloween Party, and as our kitchen is right in the middle of the house, rather than off on a spur where we can hide away while we get all the food ready, there will inevitably be people IN the kitchen while we are cooking and serving.

This is not a problem, in and of itself, except I happened to take a close look at the inside the oven today, to see if it would bear close inspection, secure in the knowledge that a self-cleaning oven should be pristine and gleaming.

HA!

An hour later, after scrubbing and scouring our 'self cleaning' oven, I'd had enough.  

So I've sacked it.  Sir Alan Sugar had nothing on me as I gave it its marching orders.

Self cleaning oven my  a*s**........ *mutter, expletive deleted, mutter*

Oh, what a tangled web...........

Have spent the last nth hours trying to decorate the house for our Halloween party.


We bought synthetic spider webs, complete with spiders... 


Why?

I haven't dusted for aeons so we had no end of REAL spider's webs.  So hoovering up all of those, only to replace them with fake webs seemed a bit redundant.

Anyway, we now have loads of webs, complete with spiders, which, if you remember my encounter with a HUGE bitey spider while we were camping in the summer, are giving me the heebie-jeebies.

Small Dog thinks we have taken complete leave of our senses and she might not be too far wrong.  

*shudder*

Come on......own up!

Some fool has decided to throw a big party the weekend before a fair which means that the whole house has to be cleaned and tidied from top to bottom and two whole days will have to be given over to preparations..... decorating, cooking, making our costumes etc

Not only that, the same fool decided that NOW would be the perfect time to sell off 15 years worth of costume pattern packs.

Obviously only a complete and utter fool would deliberately conspire to cause the maximum amount of stress and anxiety at an already stressful time and if I ever find out whose idea it all was.........

Oh.

Wait a minute.

That would be me.......

If you are one of the many who have contacted me in the past 24 hours to request information on, or order any of, the aforementioned pattern packs and I STILL haven't got back to you, please bear with me while I try to hang on to the last vestiges of my sanity.
I WILL be in contact soon.


In other news, Small Dog has announced that she wants to attend the Halloween party as The Hound of the Baskervilles.


I despair..........

End of an era - Part 2........

Over the 20 years I taught miniature dollmaking and costuming, I designed literally hundreds of costume patterns, designed specifically for one day workshops, classes and courses.

Many are long gone, but I still have a several lever arch files, each containing one or two copies of instructions, patterns and materials checklists for every single character I have featured as on one day workshops over the past 12 years. 

Those of you who have attended any of our classes will know that the instructions are very comprehensive and include a detailed checklist of the materials required, step by step instructions, photos, diagrams and patterns.

As I am no longer producing 1/12th scale porcelain dolls, and won't be teaching any more classes in miniature doll costuming, I have decided it's time to release them into the wild.


So.


I am compiling a list of pattern set packs, selected from my collection, which will be available to purchase.


These will include:

• Historical characters - Henry VIII, Ann Boleyn, Elizabeth I
• Fantasy/fictional characters including My Fair Lady, Tudor Headless Ghost, Vintage Father Christmas, Swashbuckling Pirate
• Pantomime characters - Cinderella, Prince Charming, Ugly Sisters
• Tradespeople - Chimney Sweep and Sweep's Boy, Georgian and Victorian Peddler Ladies, Flower Seller
• Domestic Servants including Tweeny, Cook, Housemaid, Parlourmaid, Governess
• Elaborately dressed ladies from a variety of periods from Mediaeval through to Post War
• Miscellaneous characters - Court Jester, Fortune Teller, Mystical Wizard, Suffragette

And many, many more.

I won't be listing them in the online shop as there are only a few of each set, so if you want a  full list, please contact me and I'll email it to you.

End of an era................

Today I finished my last batch of 1/12 casting..... ever.

Of course it still all needs to be soft-fired, soft cleaned, bisque fired, china painted, fired, china painted, fired etc, but I won't ever again be doing a batch of 1/12th porcelain.

It's almost exactly 21 years since I bought my first kiln, a few moulds and took my first faltering steps on a vertiginous learning curve of trial and error.  Even now, after over 20 years, I still experience a frisson of nervous excitement when opening the kiln after a bisque firing, especially there are any castings from new moulds.


Of course, it will now take me much, much longer to complete a kiln-load of casting, as the tiny stuff I'll be doing takes up much less space than 1/12th so I'll have to factor that into my casting schedules.  However on the plus side, one full kiln load will yield many, many tiny toy dolls and toys so I won't have to fire so often.


Alternatively I could sell my kiln and get a much smaller one.


In any event, the remainder of my 1/12th moulds are now surplus to requirements and will shortly be offered for sale to interested parties, who should make themselves known to me through the usual channels.


I could get used to this 'downsizing' malarkey............