Things were going swimmingly.
Over the past two weeks I've been reasonably productive and really felt I was making progress. My plan of working solidly through January/February to mitigate against the worst effects of the winter months was going well.
Until Friday morning, when I suddenly came down with some sort of viral winter bug-type thing. Feeling really ill, shivery, aching all over.... even my hair hurt. No energy at all and generally just *bleargh*.
Friday evening, just to liven things up a tad, I suddenly formed a deep, abiding connection with our shower room toilet, as the gates of hell opened.
I'll spare you the gory details but I've lost 5lbs in 3 days.
Saturday and Sunday were a bit of a blur. I managed a few slices of toast and mostly lay on the sofa in the lounge, dozing on and off.
This morning, I'm feeling a bit better. My toilet dashes have subsided and I'm more or less fully conscious and in a lot less pain.
However, I've been here many times before and know that this stage of recovery is the most deceptively dangerous.
Most people with MS, or any chronic condition which causes severe fatigue/pain, will be aware of Spoon Theory. If you've never heard of it, think yourself lucky, as you're most likely disgustingly healthy and have no need of it.
In a nutshell, Spoon Theory is a useful analogy to explain how people who have long-term chronic fatigue or pain adapt their lives to keep symptoms more manageable.
Wikipedia describes it thus:
"Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure in order to quantify how much energy a person has throughout a given day. Each activity requires a given number of spoons, which will only be replaced as the person "recharges" through rest. A person who runs out of spoons has no choice but to rest until their spoons are replenished.
This metaphor is used to describe the planning that many people have to do to conserve and ration their energy reserves to accomplish their activities of daily living. The planning and rationing of energy-consuming tasks has been described as being a major concern of those with chronic and fatigue-related diseases, illness, or conditions. The theory explains the difference between those who don't seem to have energy limits and those that do. The theory is used to facilitate discussions between those with limited energy reserves and those without. Because healthy people typically are not concerned with the energy expended during ordinary tasks such as bathing and getting dressed, the theory helps healthy people realise the amount of energy expended by chronically ill or disabled people to get through the day."
Even on a 'good day' I can run out of spoons, generally by being too cavalier and over-optimistic about my 'spoonage'.
Being stressed, ill, or having any sort of viral/bacterial infection plays merry hell with my spoons, to the extent that I can often START the day completely spoon free.
Today is one of those days.
The limit of my ambition is to write this blog post, then do some online 'research' under the gentle auspices of Pinterest.
I know better than to even set foot in the workroom.... that way lies tears and frustration.
I have orders to sort out, casting to complete and no end of stuff on my To Do lists, but I'm all out of spoons so that will all have to wait.
If I'm really careful today, hopefully, tomorrow, I will no longer be in total spoon deficit although I will still have to remain vigilant.
4 comments:
Having several relatives and friends who have or are suffering from fibromyalgia and who also have to conserve their spoon energy, I can readily appreciate what you are suffering regarding your MS. I know how frustrating it is when you healthy, to not be able to do the things you've planned, but when that glitch IS your health and continuously interferes with your daily routine- it has to feel Extra Maddening!
Feel Better Soon.
Thanks Elizabeth....
The most frustrating thing (aside from having to bother with spoons at all) is that most normal, fit, healthy people have no comprehension of what it's like.
If they're ill, they get better and have no end of spoons at their disposal.
If they're tired, they sleep/rest and they're then raring to go.
With MS, and many other invisible illnesses, there are no visual clues so the default presumption is we're fine *sigh*
I've never come across the spoon theory, Sandra, but it makes perfect sense. When we had puppies we said that they only come with an on/off switch; they run around causing havoc, then collapse and sleep like the dead. I'm fortunate that much of my life has been like that but a year of very serious illness showed me the other side. Although I'm mostly better now, I've learned to ration my energy and listen to my body when it needs rest. Whenever I get something mild like a tummy upset or ear ache, I tend to over react and go into a decline - memories of that bad period. If nothing else, it's taught me to be very sympathetic to chronic sufferers. I hope that you feel completely better in a day or two and can resume your many projects. I would send you a spoon if I could!
Thanks Megan....
Yes, children especially seem to have an unlimited spoon supply. I suppose it's inevitable that as we age, and especially if we experience serious health conditions, that our awareness of the need to ration dwindling energy reserves comes to the fore. This past year has been very difficult and I've discovered that emotional issues also play merry hell with spoons.
It would be better if it were possible to have a 'Spoons Savings Bank' where a small amount could be stored indefinitely, for a rainy day. However, unfortunately, spoons only seem to last for a maximum of one 24-hour period, then are lost forever.
However, thank you for your kind offer of a virtual spoon.... much appreciated :)
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