And so another month passes and here were are in May, although the weather currently is very un-springlike. We even lit the fire last night.....
.... looks cosy doesn't it?
Except it's missing one very important element.
Just after my birthday recently, we took our little caravan to a nearby campsite to test it out after its extended layup during two successive lockdowns. It was always going to be a difficult outing.... our first without Lucy, who long-term readers will know, absolutely LOVED camping trips.
This proved to be true.... from packing the van without her constant supervision to sorting out her dinners to pack in the fridge. To finally conceding to her squeaked requests to sit in the car while we hitched up and got ready to leave.
Then arriving on site and not having her keep a watchful eye on us as we erected the awning and set up our pitch.
Walking around the site without her jaunty step ahead of us, alert for rabbits and interestin' sniffins.
Dinner time, with the three of us sitting cosily in the awning, her on her little chair, snuggled in her blanky.
Bedtime.... waiting patiently for her bed to be made up and after lights out, listening to her little snufflings and grufflings while she ensured that her blanky was carefully scruffled up to her liking. The padding of her little paws in the night then the sounds of her lapping from her water bowl, before returning to her bed and settling down with a contented sigh.
Although it was lovely to be away from home for the first time in months, we both felt so sad that the occasion wasn't shared by all three of us.
I know that it will get easier with time but everything still feels so empty.
The house, the garden, the caravan... our daily lives.
In a year of 'firsts' the caravan trip was certainly going to be one of the saddest... the first in almost 15 years without our little girl. We were able to bag her favourite pitch, on which she'd spent many days over the years, either relaxing in the sun or retreating to the dappled shade of the trees, just by the little woodland path which led down to the dog walk.
We're getting through the 'firsts', one at a time... reliving the best memories and sharing the sadness at our loss.
There will never be another like her.....
3 comments:
Such a special little life which for 15 years expressed so much joy, happiness and unselfish loving devotion towards you,that naturally their loss is going to be profoundly felt, which is why it hurts as much as it does.
You were brave to make your first trip camping without your baby. Memories tend to swirl around at times like those as if in a whirlwind and there is no stopping the process.
I'm sending you extra hugs for bravery.
Thank you both for the kind comments. Grief is a step-by-step process... sometimes one step forward, three steps back. The smallest things can still derail me. Just got to keep trying to go forward though..... Sxx
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