I'll admit to being a tad discombobulated as I've been poorly for the past several weeks, and time has felt like it's running backwards. It started as a common or garden cold, which lingered, and worsened, and emigrated south into my chest. I was prescribed antibiotics but although my chest infection is clearing up, I have now developed ear ache and still feel thoroughly out of sorts.
I've been sleeping 12-14 hours straight and STILL waking up feeling exhausted.
My body is a battleground, with competing warring factions fighting for the upper hand..... I can imagine it a bit like that film where the chap is shrunk down and injected into somebody.... Innerspace.... or Fantastic Voyage or something.....
Scene: Inside Sandra....
|Left to right - Dry Eye, Colitis, Multiple Sclerosis|
Dry Eye: *scratchily* hmmm.... I can make her eyelids feel like they're lined with sandpaper..... phnha, phnha.... and when she wakes up in the night her eyeballs will be stuck to the inside of the lids...... phnha..... so she will have to TEAR them apart!!!!! *maniacal laughter*
Colitis:*gurglily* Harghshshshh. Good, but not enough. I will give her uncontrollable dire rear. Uncontrollable AND unpredictable. Also severe, griping pain in her guts. Like something is boring through her intestines with a rusty corkscrew...... ahhhh... the effluvium.....
Multiple Sclerosis: *icily* Pah! Amateurs. Blundering around with your dry eyes and your dire rear. This requires finesse.... the touch of a master.
*warming to his theme* Pain..... exquisite pain. Slicing along nerves. Myriad electric shocks... some imperceptible, hinting of what's to come.
Numbness.... blissful after pain, but laced with icy pins and needles.
Dry Eye: *desiccatedly* Look.....If she can't see properly she'll start to panic.....
Colitis:*bubblingly* Oh shut up... you're only here because of me. I can reduce her to a gibbering wreck within a few hours.... releasing her from the bathroom momentarily only to send her racing back.... like norovirus squared.
Multiple Sclerosis: *spikily* ENOUGH! You ALL are only here because of me. I have reduced her immune system to zero. I trump ALL of you!
Dry Eye: *clearing throat... dryly* Well yes.... of course. Just don't underestimate the power of eye discomfort..... burning, sticking, blurring.......
Colitis: *loosely* Trust me..... losing control of your bowels is not a good thing. It erodes your self-esteem, renders you helpless.... like a baby.
Multiple Sclerosis: *placatingly* Friends..... we must all work together. Weave an intricate tapestry of discomfort and pain.
I will add fatigue.... not mere 'tiredness' but a bone-weary lack of all energy whereby putting one foot in front of the other requires gargantuan effort.
I will elevate the slivers of pain to a waterfall of neuropathy, tumbling her into a fugue state, relieved only temporarily by opiates, further separating her from reality.
We.... WE can do this thing!
Sandra: *weakly* D'you know what?
All: *collective bemusement*
Sandra: *emphatically* You.... the lot of you.....Can all FU*K OFF right now!