Hooked on crochet....

I’m now on the home stretch on my second ever crochet project,  a Janie Crow Persian Tiles blanket in the wonderfully colourful Easter Jewels colourway.  I’ve finished all the octagons (YES OCTAGONS!) and the squares and have just a few of the triangles to go, before I can sew it together and add the border. 

I laid it out on the floor to see what it looks like so far....

Hmmm….OK, so maybe not totally on the home straight but at least I’ve finished the octagons and they only took 6 months and aged me 10 years.   Also maybe jumping straight from a simple granny square blanket to an objectively batshit crazily complicated pattern wasn’t such a bright idea. However, I’ve stuck at it and the end is finally in sight.  At this point in my crochet career, I feel I can legitimately share my experience on the subject, so here goes…..

YouTube tutorials are the way to go.  Most creators produce tutorials to accompany their patterns and these are invaluable, especially to novice crocheters.  I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve rewatched tricky sections from my current project until it makes sense.  Eventually I can manage with just the pattern and I find that my grasp of new stitches is much improved.

Hooks - When I first learnt to crochet I bought a set of generic hooks from Amazon.  The handles felt sort of tacky and really hurt my hand after a while.  The head constantly split the yarn.  But the worst thing… the very worst thing was the yarn squeak, screech and shudder.  I constantly washed my hands and cleaned the shaft of the hook, to no avail.  The squeaks continued.  However, following extensive research,  I spent an unconscionable amount of money on a single Clover Amour hook.   You know that thing in films, when the heroine prevails and the clouds part to reveal a sunlit sky and choirs of angels sing Hallelujah?  It was just like that.  Soooooo smooth, no squeaking, no split yarn, no hand strain.   OK, so they cost the equivalent of the GNP of an emergent nation but in my unbiased view they’re 100% worth it.

Terminology - For any craft or skill, the novice must learn the language. I was already fluent in knitting and naively assumed that crochet would be in the same linguistic family…. like French and Italian.  How wrong was I?  It was more like the difference between binary code and Azerbaijani.  It doesn’t help that there are two versions… UK and US.  Two countries divided by a common language.  I have to say I much prefer UK notation, which makes more sense.  This means that if I’m using a pattern written in US I have to painstakingly convert it into UK.  Luckily though, I’ve discovered Crochet Translate, which is very similar to Google Translate but much better.

HA!  Only joking. No such wonder exists, although for the life of me I can’t imagine why.    However, for those of us who are linguistically challenged, there is a nifty alternative.  The crochet chart, which is a series of lines, dashes and squiggles, which makes even less sense than the written word.  I honestly have no clue about these.

Moving swiftly on….

Counting. Apparently this is vital in crochet.  Crochet stitches are sneaky little buggers and very easy to loose track of.  You can go ‘old school’ and use a notepad and pencil, or high-ish tech and use a nifty wee ring counter which slips over your finger. Of course you have to remember to press the button after each stitch or row, which is often the downfall of novice crocheters. *cough*

However, whichever method you use,  when you're halfway through a lengthy count I can guarantee that someone will talk to you, maybe ask you if you've put the bin down, or where's the TV remote. despite being warned to stfu please be quiet from the get go. In this case I would plead justifiable homicide.

Yarn.  Thus far I’ve only used Stylecraft Special DK, which is readily available in all corners of the globe in a veritable cornucopia of colours.  120 all told!  If you ask me that’s way too many colours but what do I know. Other yarns are available, both synthetic and natural from cheap and cheerful to eye-wateringly expensive.  If you keep goats, sheep, alpacas or angoras you will have access to many different types.

If you have yarn, it follows that you will need storage.  This is a whole sub-section of crochetingness and Pinterest is awash with all manner of stylish, innovative storage solutions, from the common or garden organza bag, through vacuum seal bags, to bespoke wall-to-wall cubbies.  My thought is that the really committed crocheter should have access to a multi-dimensional portal, similar to a Black Hole, which could hold your entire stash.  This is clearly the holy grail of yarn storage and I shall never be persuaded otherwise.

WIP.  I was wholly ignorant of this until a fellow hooker enlightened me.  It stands for WorkS  In Progress.  Notice, WORKS…. PLURAL.  Apparently, no hooker worth her salt ever has just one project on the go.  What are you even thinking?!  Starting a solitary piece and seeing it all the way through to the end without repetition, hesitation or deviation?!?  That’s just downright crazy stuff. 

I’m an outlier here, because I prefer to work on one project at time.  There are several reasons for this.

1.      I’ve graduated to a more difficult pattern and it’s as much as I can do to remember what to do from one section to the next, let alone one whole pattern to the next!

2.     I’m the Queen of Procrastination and if I had three or more projects on the go I would never complete any of them. 

3.     It’s not a cheap hobby, and having to buy multiple yarn packs in quick succession would bankrupt me.

BUT…. I think I’ve found the reason why hookers have multiple projects on the go at any one  time. Hear me out…..

Ends.  I have very strong opinions on these.  Ok, so here’s the thing.  I sew in each and every end as I go along.  WHOA!  More crazy stuff?  My first crochet project was a granny square blanket, made up from 100 squares, plus a border.  Each square had 6 different colours.  Let’s do the maths.  That’s 12 ends per square, 1,200 ends in total.  That’s a very lot of ends.  As far I can tell, many crocheters can’t be arsed bothered with sewing in ends as they go along, so they end up having to do 1200 when all the squares are finished.  So, the do the sensible thing and quietly put them all aside then start on the next thing.

AM I RIGHT THOUGH?

Because I slavishly followed the instructions for my first blanket, I adhered to the designer’s exhortations to ALWAYS SEW IN YOUR ENDS AS YOU GO.  As a result, it’s now ingrained in me.  I actually find it strangely calming and  cathartic.  Loose ends offend me and I sew them in at every colour change.  It literally takes a few seconds and results in such neat work as I go along.  I realise I’m probably an outlier here too but I’ll never understand why anyone would want to tackle hundreds of them all at the same time.  Who’s the crazy one?

Accessories.  Wahoo!!!  This is where we can ALL  go completely batshit crazy.  Here was me thinking a hook, yarn, darning needle, notebook and pencil were sufficient.  Pah, pish and tush.   We need tension rings, stitch counters, blocking boards, blocking tiles, blocking combs, mini steamers, travel totes, yarn swatch pegs, clips, project planners, pattern folders…. plus an unlimited source of funds.  If you live with a significant other of the miserly persuasion you also need a diploma in creative accounting.

Tension.  I’m not talking here about the kind which permeates the room whenever you mention the word ‘crochet’.  Nor am I referring to the sort which is created by addressing a particularly difficult pattern, which causes a vice-like grip, clawed hands and clenched teeth.

Whole screeds have been written about crochet tension and from what I can gather it’s pretty much impossible to produce absolutely consistent tension throughout a project.  Apparently it can be influenced by factors as random as the way you sit, or your mood.  For example if you feel stressed you’re more likely to crochet tightly, which makes your stitches smaller.  By that measure my octagons should be microscopic! In my complete novice days, I purchased a tension ring, in the vain hope that it would miraculously sort my tension woes.  Spoiler…. It didn’t.  However, I’ve found a fairly failsafe way to do so.

Wine.  Ok, so it doesn’t necessarily improve your crochet tension, but frankly my dears, you won’t give a damn.

Spring is sprung....?

It's felt positively springlike this week.  The sun is shining from a clear blue sky, the birds are singing, buds are beginning to burst on the trees and it's almost warm.

Of course, even mentioning the s-word will banjaxx the whole thing and we'll be back in sub-zero arctic conditions by the end of the weekend, but for today at least, I'm allowing myself to believe that our seemingly endless winter is on its way out.   And with just over three weeks to go till the clocks spring forward and deliver a whole extra hour of useful daylight in the evenings, my thoughts are turning to our outside spaces, and transforming them into a garden of delights.

This requires quite the leap of imagination as our patio areas are currently far from delightful. During the winter months, our north-east facing garden doesn't get much in the way of full sunlight, and the patios get none.  As a result, a creeping green algal miasma colonises everything, from the flagstones to the patio furniture.  We keep things covered as much as possible, but even so, come spring, EVERYTHING needs to be washed down.

Now. I like jetwashing as much as the next woman. The thrill of watching a powerful jet of water scour away the winter ming and bring each surface back to life. But it's bloody hard work and I can only manage it in very short bursts. This, though, is fine, because we have a so-called drainage gully around the edge of the main patio and in defiance of its function, it resolutely refuses to drain. So after 10 about minutes, it fills to the brim and all jetwashing operations have to be suspended till it eventually drains... ever... so... slowly, into the soakaway.

Last year, after the marathon jetwashing of the patio, I sprayed it with Patio Magic, a solution which acts as a disinfectant to kill algae, moss, and lichen growth on outdoor surfaces. 
I must admit, that despite my scepticism, it does work, as is evidenced by the steps which lead from the patios up to the top of the garden, but they at least do get sunlight in the winter. 

I didn't do much to the outside last summer and as a result, this year there's a lot to do.  I need to replace the scenic shower curtain, which gives the illusion of having an outlook over a scenic harbour.  I need to replace the curtain over the woodstore, which is now many years old and looks very shabby.  All of the 'Gin Garden' area furniture needs a thorough clean and a bit of a revamp... maybe new throws and cushions.  The floral garlands for both the dining gazebo and seating gazebo need to be replaced too.  

But the main job is dismantling, cleaning, then replacing the corrugated plastic roof on the wooden gazebo.  It was done almost 3 years ago, and inevitably, water has seeped between the sheets overlaps and gone all green and slimey.  We tried skooshing it with the jet washer wand last year, to no avail.   I had a few people in last month to give us quotes to replace it with flat, twinwall panels, but despite it being tiny....only 2.4metres square, the quotes were eye-wateringly expensive.  So we've moved to Plan B.  We're going to take the existing sheets off, clean them thoroughly, then replace them, adding a special tape to cover the joins which should hopefully stop any water ingress between the sheets.  

However, we will need to replace all the fixings. I have no idea what they're called so I've been having a high old time on Google trying to find some. Probably some sort of reciprocating flange widget. I'm determined NOT to have to physically take one into Screwfix and ask, in order to avoid the eye-rolling mansplaining and sniggering which may ensue.

All of the above, is going to take the best part of a month, and that's if the weather cooperates, as in our joint decrepit states we can only manage to work in short bursts then take lengthy rests to recuperate. We might do it in staggered shifts to spread the pain.

So hopefully by Easter, we should once again have a fully functioning outside area in which to dine, relax, and enjoy the great outdoors. In which case I will have a full, ceremonial re-opening of our Gin Garden, with a ribbon to cut and everything!

Mignonette Presentation Box Kit update....

Yes.  Yes I know.  My end of February deadline for completing the presentation box kits has come and gone.  As deadlines are wont to do.  When I retired last year I pledged to myself that deadlines would be a thing of the past.  Yet here we are.

In my defence, I did say in my last post, and I quote:

 "With luck and a following wind I'm hoping that I'll get it all done by the end of February, but don't hold me to that. "

Anyway, no, they're not ready yet, although progress has been made.  The main problem is I keep having ideas for more contents.  And although they are generally very good ideas, I have to go through the process of designing the 'idea', then refining the 'idea', then producing a sub-kit for that specific 'idea'.  At some point I'm going to have to call a halt on the ideas.

I'd say I'm probably three quarters of the way through, then I have to tackle the instructions, which will have to be supplied as a PDF file otherwise I'll be printing out gazillions of sheets.

So, watch this space.