We've had an 'unwelcome' visitor in the garden.
I've named him Ratty McRatFace and he has discovered an all-you-can-eat buffet underneath the bird feeders at the top of the garden.
I'm of the 'live and let live' school of creature management, and given that we live behind acres of ancient woodland, in which there are undoubtedly more examples of Rattus Norvegicus than you could shake a stick at, I'm fairly sanguine about a small furry creature foraging in what he regards as 'his' garden.
However, he's now turning up with his +1, aka Ratty Muldoon, and PP is putting her foot down.
I will also mention in passing that we have a boney fido ratting terrior in the house, who has shown zero interest in the rodent invasion, taking place under her sniffy little nose.
Scene. Earlier today. Ratty McRatFace and Ratty Muldoon are spotted having an alfresco feast.
Me: *excitedly* Small Dog! Quickly! See them OFF!!!
SD exits in a flurry of fur and barking and runs in totally the opposite direction. Rats beat a hasty exit, although they could easily have finished their snack and strolled off in a leisurely manner.
SD eventually picks up the scent trail and sets up a storm of barking, kicking her heels, wee-ing profusely and generally demonstrating that she knows what she's doing. After several minutes of this, she runs back down the steps and barrels back into the kitchen where I intercept her.
Me: *icily* You ran in totally the wrong direction. You're rubbish.
SD:*doggedly* Murrm... yue kno nuthen abowt ratt manijment. Ai hav to lul them intoo a fawls sens of sekewritie.
Me: *sceptically* Is that right? So what is your plan...?
SD: *warming to her theme* Aah. Wel. Ai thort ai wude issew them with a "Sees and Deesistt Ordur".... reekwesting them to kwitt the premissis fourthwith.
Me: *speechless* That's it is it.... That's your 'plan'?
SD:*defensively* Wel OBVEEYUSLY ai will bak it upp with akshun. And reesunible fours. Ai am, when orl is sed and dun, a Prowd and Nobell Yorkshier Terrior and the blud of jenerashuns of ratten terriors floes threw mai vains.
Me: *raised eyebrow* You have ONE WEEK. Just sort them out please or we'll have to take matters into our own hands.
SD:* strolls off towards her basket* Itts orl undur kontrole. Jusst leev it tue me. Now iff yue wil eckews me.... ai knead a napp.