Stand and deliver.............

It's a sobering thought to realise that I haven't actually exhibited at a fair since June 2006.

Since then we have thoroughly dismantled and cannibalised the various shelving units, display racks, etc which we used to display our dolls and kits on a 6 foot stand, which means we have to build one all over again. The normal UK fair stand space constitutes a wooden table 6 feet long by 2 feet 6 inches wide. Over the previous 18 or so years I'd been exhibiting at fairs, I had gradually developed a modular design to display my wares, trying to fit as much as possible into this relatively small space.

For Miniatura, I am downsizing a fair bit, and having a 4 foot stand, which will still give me plenty of space to display my tiny vintage toy dolls and playthings..........the smallest baby doll is just 1" and the largest toy doll is 1 3/4" so lack of space is not an issue.

However, displaying very small items to best advantage is a challenge, and we are completely redesigning and building our display area from scratch.

The spring Miniatura this year is the 50th show, so it is the Golden Anniversary. This neatly avoids major decisions on colour. We are going with black and gold. Classy or what?

Lighting is another major decision. Tiny wee items need to be illuminated properly but long experience has shown that simply clamping two spotlights at either side of the stand is not the answer. Firstly the lights get very hot.......they are on for up to 8 hours. Secondly, if they are not angled absolutely perfectly they tend to dazzle either me, or my customers, so I'm forever having to switch them on and off.

Then there's the problem of where to put all the paraphernalia....... notebook, cashbox, receipt book, calculator, bubble wrap, sellotape, paper bags, boxes, leaflets etc etc etc. Not to mention all the requirements for spending a full day behind the stand........flask of tea/coffee, cold drinks, lunch, snacks, hand wipes, tissues, something to read during slow patches. Then there's the comfort angle........a cushion to sit on (the chairs are usually hard plastic and very uncomfortable), and a bit of something warm and cushioned to stand on (being on your feet on a cold, hard floor all day can be quite painful. Layers of clothing.....large exhibition halls are either blistering hot and airless or freezing cold with kamekazi draughts.

So all in all, the forethought and preparations for doing a fair can rival the logistical planning for the D-Day landings.

However I have started my packing list. Or to be more precise my packing LISTS. There are rather a lot of them and worryingly, I keep adding to them. But Birmingham is way to far away to be able to pop home for something I've forgotten so I'm opting for a belt and braces approach to fair planning and packing.............

A question of scale...........

1/12th scale is a godsend to the mathematically challenged.

What could be simpler than 1 inch = 1 foot?

Even a mathematical doofus like me can work out that a table which measures 6 feet in 'real life' should measure 6 inches in the dollshouse world.

Even 1/24th (or half inch scale as our transatlantic cousins call it) isn't beyond my numerical capacity. That 6 foot table would be 3 inches in 1/24th.

Things get a bit more hit and miss as we move down to 1/48th, 1/144th and the exceptionally scary 1/900th, which I would imagine even Stephen Hawking having a hard time with.

I tend to stay in the realms of 1/12th and 1/24th, with only occasional forays into 1/144th. To protect my sanity (what remains of it) I have invested in a little scale ruler, which is invaluable for those tricky measurements, like something and 3/16ths, or something and 17/32ths.

You still with me?

So, today I had to downsize a pattern which was designed to fit a 4 1/2" child, and scale it down to fit a 1 3/4" child.

Now I don't want to receive a barrage of emails telling me how to do it, or what the answer is.

Nobody likes a smart ass.

Especially not now I've spent a large proportion of the day alternately scratching my head, actively searching for the displacement goblins (where are they when you need them?) and trying to do complicated sums involving division of fractions.

At one point (am I am genuinely ashamed to admit this) I actually Googled:

"how to scale down 4 1/2" to 1 3/4"

closely followed by an almost infinite number of variations on an increasingly desperate theme.
If you've been using Google today and have wondered why it was running at a glacial speed (ie very, very slow........) then that's probably down to me. The giant cyberbrain that is Google has been doing very complicated calculations of Einsteinian proportions, so no wonder that it hasn't had time to respond to requests for information on 'normal' stuff.

Eventually I gave up on Google. Shortly after it produced this enigmatic result.

As I said before, I'm no mathematician, but even I know that's not the right answer.

So I finally tried some lateral thinking. Using a scaled down pattern which I knew was correct, and by a long and laborious process of trial and error I repeatedly scanned and rescanned the original until I had a perfect fit.

It all took ages, crashed the computer twice, plus the scanner mechanism overheated and switched itself off to sulk and cool down. However, I did finally manage to solve the problem. I have no idea how to do it again , and I am far too exhausted and demoralised to do anything useful with it, but for the moment the answer is 45%.

Exhibit B.........

Now this demonstrates exactly what I mean about displacement goblins.

I sat down at my computer 46 minutes ago to continue work on the latest Tower House Dolls newsletter, which should have gone out at the beginning of this month and is already woefully late.

However, my resistance to displacement must be dangerously low, as I have spent 28 of those 46 minutes adding a natty little gadget onto my blog.

You can probably see it, over on the left, at the top.

Got it?

Good isn't it?

What do you mean "what does it do?"

It shows the location of visitors to the blog.

On a map.

Or it will when it starts working.

Or when I get visitors other than myself.

Hmm.

Deadlines v displacement

I am quite simply one of those people who MUST have deadlines.

Without a deadline I will just drift along aimlessly, bouncing from one distraction to the next, achieving very little, safe in the knowledge that I don't actually have to have anything completed by a specific point in time.

With a deadline I can be completely focussed. Head down, shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone, beavering away oblivious to everything except the task in hand.

Mostly.

However the displacement goblins are never far away. And they must be guarded against at all costs.

They lurk in the kitchen, and congregate in small groups by the kettle. If I pop through to make a cup of tea, fully intending to return with it to my work table, they will casually direct my gaze through the window into the garden, and I can spend a full 10 minutes watching the woodpecker 'anting' on the lawn.

They wait in ambush when the post is delivered, luring me to open and peruse even the junk mail which I know I should simply throw in the bin unopened.

I think small dog might possibly be in league with them, as when she emerges from a nap and slithers goosestepping and stretching into the workroom, I know that I will have to break off from whatever I am doing and greet her warmly as in

"Oh, you're up then? Had a good nap?"

There will then follow any one of a number of scenarios initiated by small dog, surely at the instigation of the displacement goblins .

Such as (here you have to imagine that you have direct access to small dog's thoughts)

"Aha, I have found a piece of antique silk under the desk. I will quietly retrieve it and trot purposefully out of the room, gaining speed as I go and flattening my ears so that she will know I am carrying something that I shouldn't. I will not glance back or pay any heed to her calls but will run straight up the stairs and hide round the bend till she comes to find me and disengage it from my jaws"

Personally, I don't believe for one minute that small dog would do this without being put up to it by the displacement goblins, who seem to have a strange and unnatural influence over her.

However, by far the most devious and successful of these goblins definitely live in my computer. These sneaky and duplicitous creatures are to be avoided at all costs.

For example, let's say I decide to take a 5 minute break from work to check emails.
Easy.
No problemo.
5 minutes max.

Naturally, the goblins take this as a challenge, but conscious that I am wary of their wiles, they initially lie low.

I check emails.
Reply/delete as required.
Check watch...... 4.75 minutes HAH!

Close email program and turn to leave, exultant at my success and imagining their disappointment at having failed to engage me.

However just as I'm standing up to leave I notice a small flashing icon at the bottom of the screen. A watched eBay item is finishing soon.

I should point out here that of all the displacement goblins, the eBay goblins are the very, VERY worst. They are the ubermeisters of the goblin displacement fraternity (yes they are all male)
I know I should ignore it and just walk away. If I was really interested in the item in question I'd have placed a bid by now, and having already checked my 'watched items' list this morning I know that there's nothing ending today which I really need or want.

But.

I sit down again and click on the icon............and so I have lost.

Literally.

Anything up to several hours if I'm really unlucky.

And don't even get me started on the Blog Goblins!

So for those of you who don't believe me...........

Exhibit A..........

Small dog has taken exceptional exception to certain remarks in my last post, concerning her need for abundant naps.

She feels that this is a gross misrepresentation of her daytime habits, and a slur......... nay, foul calumny on her hitherto unblemished character.

She has expressed her displeasure by sneaking into the workroom and making off with a piece of leather, which has subsequently been discovered halfway up the stairs.

I'm hopeful that I can cut out the most slimy bits, but the delicate tracery of small dog's teeth marks render a large part of the leather unusable.

No matter.

However, in the face of such a barrage of condemnation of my completely innocent comments, I feel that it is only fair to put the case for my defence, ie that small dog does indeed indulge in many, many periods of what can only be described as indiscriminate dog napping.

I therefore present Exhibit A



I rest my case m'lud.

Six weeks and counting............

Yet again the metaphorical dust has been steadily accumulating on my blog.

Just as the real dust has been accumulating on my toyshop.

However I can most definitely plead mitigating circumstances to explain my abject neglect of my project.

Just a few days after my last posting, I was informed that I've been accepted to exhibit at Miniatura. Cue wild whoops of delight and congratulatory hugs all round, rapidly followed by an eerie silence which settled like a lead balloon as the enormity of the task in hand sunk in.

The Spring Miniatura takes place at the National Exhibition Centre in Birmingham, on 29th and 30th March.......THIS YEAR! Which leaves me a mere 6 weeks from now to make enough stock, redesign and build a new exhibition stand, and carry out all the inumerable tasks associated with doing a major fair.

I am sure it will work out fine, but we've been putting in 7 day weeks, 10-12 hour days since the beginning of January, and the pace is gradually gaining momentum. At this rate I can envisage sleeping under the table for most of the fair. I wonder if I could train small dog to supervise the stand while I have the odd nap. After all she seems completely incapable of surviving on less than 5 naps per hour so I'm sure she'd understand.

Anyhoo, to better illustrate my current state of mind and body....................

Captures just the right edge of surreal and manic desperation which I feel at the moment.

New Year resolutions.........

Well here we are in 2008 at the start of a new year and the last 12 months have just flown by.

This time last year I was excitedly contemplating the contents of a large cardboard box filled with various bits of wood and MDF, brass hardware, glues etc...........

Now I can reveal the results of 12 months work (on and off) and although the shop still has lots of bits of finishing off to do, it does at least look like a shop rather than a pile of unrelated bits.

Behold..............


I still have to 'distress the roof' - add bits of moss underneath the slipped slates, and paint water trails etc to make the roof look old.



The interior of the ground and first floor rooms are completely finished. Yes, that is a large bear you can see on the ground floor. More of him anon.

Now at last I can begin the most enjoyable task of all, putting the contents of all these boxes of tiny toys onto the various display shelves in the shop and the bay windows.

Yes there are rather a lot of them........more than I had imagined. I just hope I don't need to build an extension already!

So.......resolutions.

Well......... I resolve to finish all the little jobs on the shop BEFORE I even think about starting on the basement.

I'm off now to spend a relaxing hour filling some display shelves and will post the results when I'm done.