Friday, 15 February 2008

Deadlines v displacement

I am quite simply one of those people who MUST have deadlines.

Without a deadline I will just drift along aimlessly, bouncing from one distraction to the next, achieving very little, safe in the knowledge that I don't actually have to have anything completed by a specific point in time.

With a deadline I can be completely focussed. Head down, shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone, beavering away oblivious to everything except the task in hand.


However the displacement goblins are never far away. And they must be guarded against at all costs.

They lurk in the kitchen, and congregate in small groups by the kettle. If I pop through to make a cup of tea, fully intending to return with it to my work table, they will casually direct my gaze through the window into the garden, and I can spend a full 10 minutes watching the woodpecker 'anting' on the lawn.

They wait in ambush when the post is delivered, luring me to open and peruse even the junk mail which I know I should simply throw in the bin unopened.

I think small dog might possibly be in league with them, as when she emerges from a nap and slithers goosestepping and stretching into the workroom, I know that I will have to break off from whatever I am doing and greet her warmly as in

"Oh, you're up then? Had a good nap?"

There will then follow any one of a number of scenarios initiated by small dog, surely at the instigation of the displacement goblins .

Such as (here you have to imagine that you have direct access to small dog's thoughts)

"Aha, I have found a piece of antique silk under the desk. I will quietly retrieve it and trot purposefully out of the room, gaining speed as I go and flattening my ears so that she will know I am carrying something that I shouldn't. I will not glance back or pay any heed to her calls but will run straight up the stairs and hide round the bend till she comes to find me and disengage it from my jaws"

Personally, I don't believe for one minute that small dog would do this without being put up to it by the displacement goblins, who seem to have a strange and unnatural influence over her.

However, by far the most devious and successful of these goblins definitely live in my computer. These sneaky and duplicitous creatures are to be avoided at all costs.

For example, let's say I decide to take a 5 minute break from work to check emails.
No problemo.
5 minutes max.

Naturally, the goblins take this as a challenge, but conscious that I am wary of their wiles, they initially lie low.

I check emails.
Reply/delete as required.
Check watch...... 4.75 minutes HAH!

Close email program and turn to leave, exultant at my success and imagining their disappointment at having failed to engage me.

However just as I'm standing up to leave I notice a small flashing icon at the bottom of the screen. A watched eBay item is finishing soon.

I should point out here that of all the displacement goblins, the eBay goblins are the very, VERY worst. They are the ubermeisters of the goblin displacement fraternity (yes they are all male)
I know I should ignore it and just walk away. If I was really interested in the item in question I'd have placed a bid by now, and having already checked my 'watched items' list this morning I know that there's nothing ending today which I really need or want.


I sit down again and click on the icon............and so I have lost.


Anything up to several hours if I'm really unlucky.

And don't even get me started on the Blog Goblins!

So for those of you who don't believe me...........

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