One of the very few advantages of living with MS is that your body gradually loses the capacity to surprise you. On a daily basis, bits that were working an hour ago can suddenly pack up, nerve pain can erupt anywhere and weird sensations come and go without so much as a by your leave. I used to be constantly on the alert for new and diverting symptoms but that level of vigilance is exhausting to maintain, so I've settled down to a more laid back attitude which can best be described as benign neglect.
Which is why, when I started having spontaneous nosebleeds a few days ago, I wasn't too fussed and treated them as minor inconvenience.
However, this morning, while I was in the shower, I looked down at my feet to see blood swirling down the plughole in a manner shockingly reminiscent of that scene from Psycho.
Having swiftly discounted being stabbed by a madman dressed as his mother, I traced the source of the bleeding to my nose, which was running like a tap.
Holding a face flannel to my nose I managed to exit the shower, and towel myself dry with one hand, all the while aware that the flannel was going from merely damp to saturated. Safely over the wash basin I attempted to survey the damage, which only resulted in the backlog of blood spattering everywhere, as I floundered around, trying to locate a wad of tissues, with which to plug the offending orifice.
After a full 10 minutes of nose-pinching and continued spattering, the shower room resembled a scene from the Texas Chain-Saw Massacre, and since I had dismally failed to staunch the steady flow, I enlisted the help of PP, who calmly viewed my blood-stained surroundings and quickly took over.
A further 10 minutes later we were no further forward, except that I'd moved my nasal sprinkler system into the bedroom. Small Dog took one look at me and promptly made herself scarce. She hates the sight of blood, although usually only her own. She's normally fairly sanguine about anyone elses.
I tried to make a rudimentary nose plug from a twisted tissue, but within seconds it was saturated, so we hit on the damn fine idea of using a tampon, cut in half, then rammed up my right nostril as far as it would go.
Thankfully this did the trick. The end swelled up and formed a blood-tight seal, preventing the flow from running down my chin and soaking my clothing.
Useful it might have been. Dignified it was not.
Pottering around the house this morning, with half a tampon sticking out of my nose I was extremely careful to stay away from the windows, in case I was spotted by a neighbour or passer-by.
It also brought a whole new dimension to my morning cuppa, as I had to avoid the end going into my mug and sucking hot tea up my nose.
It seems to have stopped now, although I'm wary of sneezing, coughing or bending down, just in case it erupts again.
Never a dull moment in this house........