I had an epic nose bleed last night..... first one in some time. Just sitting quietly at the table after dinner, thought I felt my nose running and....
Instant bloody waterfall.
Clutching a paper napkin to my nose I made a dash for the downstairs loo and spent the following 20 minutes attempting to staunch the flow. By the time it had gone from a gush to a trickle the room looked as though Sweeney Todd, Jack the Ripper and The Wolfman had all been partying in there.
I now have some inkling of the forensic science behind blood spatter patterns, gleaned from cleaning several of them off the walls.
Whilst leaning over the basin, clutching blood-soaked tissues to my nose and attempting to pinch the bridge of my nose tightly.... not easy with slippery fingers... I mused that perhaps I was exhibiting a particularly extreme form of stigmata, and that if that was the case, I was probably too good for this world and would be swept up by angels at any moment.
However, as the minutes ticked by, and the basin gradually filled with blood and tissues I realised that, on reflection, I was merely becoming light-headed, and that the sound of heavenly voices ringing in my ears was more likely an incipient faint. So I was forced to sit on the toilet instead, and contemplate the fascinating spatter patterns emerging on the floor.
It did stop eventually, although when I inadvertently glanced in the mirror whilst mopping up the blood stains I almost fainted dead away as my face was absolutely covered in blood, as were my hands and forearms. If this ever happens in a public place, with CCTV coverage I'll probably be taken for the victim of a stabbing.
Still, it brightened up a dull Sunday evening.....