Friday, 10 January 2014

Get shorty.......

High on my list of 'Things I Hate To Do' is taking up the hems on trousers.  There are many disadvantages to being vertically challenged and finding trousers the right length is way up there.

Over the years I can count on the fingers of half a hand the number of times I've been able to buy trousers or jeans off the peg and not have the hems trailing along the floor behind me. Even so-called 'Short' fitting trousers are often too long.

Jeans are a particular misery, due to the bulky leg seams, and never, ever look as good if they've had to be cut and re-hemmed.

I dream of someone, one day, inventing a foolproof method for getting both legs EXACTLY the same length.   I can measure, measure again, pin up, try on, measure AGAIN before hemming and I can guarantee that one leg will be longer than the other. 

Of course, I may have one leg longer than the other, but if I try to compensate for that, the discrepancy gets even worse as it's never the same leg.

I also seem to be shrinking.  


Even trousers which were exactly the right length a year or so ago are getting too long.  How does that work?

The one pair of jeans I have, which WERE exactly the right length, and which I use as a measuring template for new jeans, have either grown in length, or I'm losing half an inch a year.

And don't even think of suggesting shopping in the children's section.  I could just about get away with that in my 20s when I was a willowy size 8, but how many children do you know with size 14 hips? 

Actually, probably quite a lot when I come to think of it.....

But anyway, the catalyst for this rant was having to take up yet another pair of jeans today.  I've measured, and pinned, and measured again, before cutting off the original hems and sewing the new hems on the sewing machine.  However I didn't realise that they're stretchy so the hems now have a slightly corrugated appearance as my machine slightly stretched the fabric as it stitched.  I've ironed them to within an inch of their life, to little effect, so I'm hoping it won't show.  If anyone comments I'll pass it off as the latest trend.

Incidentally, the new jeans claim to 'lift, sculpt & slim...... pushing up the bottom, enhancing your curves and flattening your stomach'.  I can't honestly say I notice any difference, but then I'd probably need jeans made by an industrial machinery manufacturer to make any serious inroads into modifying my shape.  

I was tempted to take them back and complain under the Trade Description Act but I have a feeling that customer services would just give me one of those  "*raised eyebrow*...... And?" looks, as if to say I should drastically lower my expectations in the body-shaping department.


We're going to a birthday party tonight so I'll give them a go.  If I keep my back to the wall to conceal the lack of 'lift, sculpt and slim' and crouch slightly when I'm walking to mitigate the effect of the crinkly hems, and lean slightly to the left so that both legs look the same length I might just pull it off. 

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Another very funny post but I understand your problem. For me, it's the problem of "short" trousers being too short and "regular" trousers often being slightly too long!

Not having a working relationship with a sewing machine - we just don't get on, I have found Wonder Web a lifesaver. It's iron on adhesive fabric so you make your hem and then place the wonder web in the middle and iron away until it sticks. It can be fiddly but oh what I life saver it is!

Not sure it would be strong enough for jean but any normal trousers and it's great!