Friday, 19 April 2013

The writer's voice.......

Small Dog joined Facebook on 11th February this year.

Who would have thought that a small Yorkshier Terrior would have caused such controversy, such vitriolic comments, such (and you must excuse my language here) absolute and complete fuckwittage.

Look.  I know we're talking about FB here.  It's not exactly a bastion of common sense, good taste and sensitivity.  But I did expect a certain modicum of laissez-faire.

To paraphrase Small Dog, I cannot even believe that some people can be so stupid.

Perhaps I should explain FOR THE COMPLETE RETARDS my modus operandi although obviously, they're not going to understand that either.

As a child we always had animals. 

Dogs - several
Cats - several
Hamsters - a few

ALL of them had a different 'voice'.


It was my mum who started it.  

Our pets would talk to us.  They would tell us their hopes, fears and ambitions or simply what they wanted for dinner.

But... and here is where the writer's voice comes in..... they would also leave us written notes.

For example, our dogs wrote in a style very similar to Small Dog. 

You have to understand that animals might readily understand our spoken language but they struggle with translating their thoughts into our written language.  They write what they hear, but without the constraints of spelling and grammar.  The fact that they can write in phonetic sentences at all is fairly amazing.

Any idiot can do bad spelling.  In fact there is so much bad spelling on FB I don't even know where to start, so to be upbraided for my dog not knowing how to spell is somewhat galling.

It takes me much longer to write a Small Dog post than one of my own (I hasten to add that I have to 'channel' SD's posts as they are obviously ALL her own work)

I write, edit, re-edit, and edit again to get just the right words and tone.  I aim for funny and clever and I expect the only other person on the interweb who might understand this is Sue Newstead, whose Fox Terrior, Delphi Dog (DD) and SD are "grate frends" and who I know puts just as much time and effort into her DD posts as I do for SD.

It is NOT bad or sloppy spelling.  It is how Small Dog writes.  It is how ALL the dogs I have ever known have written.

Cats write in a completely different way.  More sparse and pared down (although their spelling can best be described as 'experimental).  With none of the existential angst.

With hamsters you're lucky if you get more than two single syllable words at a time.  And the notes are always chewed round the edges.

On the other hand, guinea pigs can be virtuoso writers.  When my children were young we had a guinea pig called Virgil who wrote the Aeneid in crayon.  So think on.

Frankly, I don't give a rat's arse about who doesn't like Small Dog's FB page (although I presume that rats, being notably intelligent rodents, might be right up there with some of  the best writers).  I've had to ban people from posting inappropriate comments and batten down the page so that nobody can post on the timeline.  Basically, a bit like the Pentagon, Small Dog's page is on lockdown.

If people don't have the intellectual ability to read and understand her posts then perhaps they'd be better off going elsewhere*.  I've heard that the likes of Justin Bieber can occasionally string a coherent sentence together but what do I know.

So, if any of my regular blog readers, many of whom I know are ardent fans of Small Dog, would like to join her FB page, do let me know and I will send you an invite.

*The bounds of decency and good taste dictate that I cannot give free rein to my thoughts on this.......



Susan@minicrochetmad said...

I don't do FB for all of the reasons mentioned within this post so I'm not seeking an invitation. I work from the same dictionary as yourself, some good words in there ;)... and I find that 98% of humanity don't have the mental capacity of a hamster so who do they think they are???making judgements on small dogs wafflings? or should that be wooflings....Tell small dog from me that she isn't in the same league as Justin Biever - thank goodness!! - and she still has at least one blogland fan.

Sandra Morris said...

I have no illusions about FB. I don't even like it. However in the modern world, like it or not, running a business goes hand in hand with social media so FB and I will continue to be unhappy bedfellows.
I've passed your comments onto Small Dog who was most appreciative.

Unknown said...

there are nut cases everywhere and most of them are loose on fb. I take issue when the teabaggers start up; it's OK to voice an opinion but go overboard & I block people or remove notifications of them. So I suggest you do likewise.
As for Justin, I'm sure Ann Frank would have rather been a SD fan than a bieberite. (no offense or demean-ment inferred)
big hugs to the 3 of you
from an already SD page fan
Karin (not Ken)

Demeter said...

Sarndra plees dont bee upset cos I just lurve small dog to bits and those peepol must be hignorant not to understanbd how us doggs speek. I understand hevery single word small dog rites and I no shee understands me cos we sumtimes fone eech other wen you lots are owt. By thwe way I hav had me eers stripped and now look like I sposed to look. Yors sinseerly Jessie xxx

Sandra Morris said...


My sentiments exactly. Sx

Sandra Morris said...

(From Small Dog)
Helo Jessie. I nue yue wude agrea with evrithing mi mum sed.
Purhapps itt wude bea bettr if yue didunt menshun owr fone kols tho.
Ai hav olwais thot yue luke luvly... stript eers or knott.
Yore frend
Small Dog
Pee Ess... ai hoap thatt orl owr mums wil goe awai in ther karavanns tuegethr sune. Wee kan doo gude woks and sniffens.