Thursday, 9 August 2012

Retail therapy........

I bought a tankini today.

It seemed like a good idea at the time but now I'm home I'm having second thoughts.

Shopping for swimwear is almost as bad as shopping for lingerie, especially as swimwear now comes with a 'shapewear' element too.  I did briefly consider going for some interestingly-named 'Magic Swimwear' which seemed to be constructed mainly from elastane girders. 

PP and I had a sceptical conversation with another 'mature' lady who was also contemplating the 'Magic Swimwear' and we all three tried to divine what happened to the wobbly bits which were magically concealed.  I was of the strong opinion that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, so if excess flab is compressed at the front, it most likely squeezes out surreptitiously at the back.

In any case my options on the 'Magic Swimwear' front were severely limited, as it all seemed to be in sizes 6-10.  Personally, if I were a size 6-10 I don't think elastane reinforced anything would be high on my list of priorities, but what do I know.

Apparently even stick insects have wobbly bits which need to be forcibly contained.

I already have a very modest one-piece swimsuit in black, which is reasonably flattering, especially if I'm in the dark with the lights out.  However, having lost some weight this year I'm inclined to throw caution to the winds and live a little with my choice of swimwear for our forthcoming holiday especially as the site we're going to features a pool, hot tub and sauna!  Not bad for a small, 5 pitch, adult only caravan site.
Which is how I came to choose a bright, fluorescent pink tankini which I intend to accessorise with a sarong as my derriere and thighs still leave rather a lot to be desired.

I now have two weeks in which to make my beleaguered body fit to be seen.  This will involve extensive deforestation, exfoliation, cellulite-buffing and generally attempting to shore everything up as best I can.

Small Dog, on the other hand, needs no cosmetic intervention and has absolutely no qualms whatsoever about sporting the tiniest of string bikinis......


anna said...

how enjoyable to read your post!! thanks for the smiles!!!!!!!!! :)

Sandra Morris said...

You're welcome Anna. Thank goodness nobody's asked for photos!


Neen said...

"every action has an equal and opposite reaction, so if excess flab is compressed at the front, it most likely squeezes out surreptitiously at the back.". Love it! Physics and bathing suits never mix, it is a scientific fact that bathing suits should be viewed only from the best angle as determined by the wearer. In my case, from the ankles down. :)

Robin said...

So - what's the chance of seeing a picture of you wearing it?
Enjoy the holiday - and best of luck for the Online Fair.

PastMastery said...

Ow Smorl dawg!
Yoo kant gow owt laik THAT!

Fur gudnis saik!

Itz not kmpleet.

Yoo niid a hatt!


Sandra Morris said...


Yoo ar kwite rite. howevr i am goen to taik leegle akshon agenst mi mumz fore putten a rood fotograff off mee up onn the interrnett withowt mi permishun.

It IS acktewali mee butt thay fotowshoppt itt to ad a kini, sandles and sunnglasis.

Sumtymes i despayr DD... i reeli doo.


Sandra Morris said...


Absolutely correct. In my case, even from the ankles down is a bit dodgy.


No chance whatsoever!!!