The N Diet................

Have been laid low the past two days with norovirus, better know as the 'winter vomiting bug', except that description only covers half of it.

I'll spare your delicate constitutions the gory details, but imagine, if you will, your entire digestive tract as a length of pipe, with one end as your mouth, and the other end as.........well........ your end. Along this length of pipe, also imagine a balloon (your stomach) filled with.........whatever. The length of pipe leading away from the balloon is also filled with.........whatever.

Remember that both ends of the pipe are open.

OK.

Got it?

Now, imagine an elephant suddenly stamps........REALLY HARD, on the balloon.

Are you imagining that?

Good.

Well that's a pale imitation of how having norovirus feels.

Throw in abdominal pain, headache, feeling cold and shivery, aching all over and you have a marginally better idea.

I succumbed early on Monday morning. By midday I was ready to have someone put me out of my considerable misery.

PP followed suit late on Monday evening, and spent the entire night in transit between bed and bathroom, mostly at a lively trot.

Yesterday I did feel a bit better, and even managed to crawl downstairs for a cup of tea. Being 12 hours behind me symptoms-wise, PP was bed-bound in misery all day, while I occasionally did a pretty good imitation of Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques, staggering upstairs with a tray.

On the plus side I've lost 3.5lbs without even trying.

On the negative side I've lost two days, feel like my legs are made from boiled spaghetti, and am now so far behind on my Thame prep that I feel like bursting into floods of histrionic tears.

Is it just me or could we really, REALLY be jinxed this year.................?

Just hope small dog doesn't come down with it too..........