Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Spanner in the works...........

I just knew that the fair preparations were going a little too smoothly.

That my ambitious work 'schedule' was ticking along just a tad too productively.

I should've kept my premature back-slapping congratulatory smugness to myself.

One of the daily routines which practically every person I know who has MS performs upon waking, is to do a quick roll-call of their body parts to check what's working and what's calling in sick. In my case this entails a quick whistle-stop tour of my body, particularly the outlying limbs, to see what neuropathic delights might be in store for me on any given day.

This is rather like looking through a kaleidoscope, as I never get the same pattern twice.

Over the past few weeks, aside from the odd episode of 'icy fingers' stroking down my face, and random patches of numbness/tingling in my right arm, I've felt remarkably well. Not exactly pre-MS well, but not far from it.

However mainly what I noticed was the absence of pain.

Absence of pain is an actual sensation all of its own.

It feels reassuringly warm and light and it is accompanied by a sense of positive well-being and energy which is increasingly fleeting and elusive.

It was in this pain-free state that I blitzed the house recently, tidying and cleaning and preparing the winter nest. It felt just like old times.

However, this morning, my lovely, cherished, absence of pain had gone, to be replaced with presence of pain.

Presence of pain can be cold and heavy.
Or it can be high-voltage, hit-and-run, electric shockery which takes your breath away. Literally.
Or it can be a leaden numbness, overlaid with patches of searing pins and needles, which move erratically across the skin like a multi-legged scuttling creature.
Or it can be a combination of all of the above.

Mostly presence of pain is exhausting and wearing. The random nature of the pain and where it might attack means that I am constantly tensed, either coping with the actuality, or anticipating the possibility.

I know that today I can't do any delicate work primarily because the pain in my arms is accompanied by tiny tremors. So cracking on with my batch of exotic animal pullalong toys will have to be put on the back burner. It's hard enough to manipulate tiny pinhead crystals with tweezers at the best of times!

Fortunately, there are lots of alternative tasks to do.......updating our brochure and leaflets or writing my next article for AIM magazine.
Perhaps I can even dust off my languishing book (which should have been finished by now!) and carry on with that.

However I am feeling rather desolate. I had become used to the relative absence of pain and too quickly forgot the alternative and how habituated I had become to the presence of pain. Sadly that habituation will have to be regained, slowly and.........well.......painfully.

MS sucks.


Debie Lyons said...

Sandra I hope your latest pain episode doesnt last for long and that you will be feeling better soon.
Debie xxx

Sandra Morris said...

Thanks Debie :-)
Sadly pain is the norm these days and pain-free episodes are rarer and rarer.


Thanks goodness for wine, which is also a serving of fruit, therefore at least one of my 5-a-day.

julie campbell said...

Sorry to hear that Sandra, it must be a bit of a lottery never knowing quite how you will be each day.Hope you get more good days than bad. I have sciatica which flares up everytime I'm preparing for a fair,all the sitting bent over my dolls does it everytime but am lucky really as it eases off with the workload and rarely stops me. I agree a glass of wine is a perfect remedy,
Love that about the five a day, I've just enjoyed one of mine ;0)
julie xxxx

Anonymous said...

What an absolute bummer for you especially after so long relatively pain free. I hope the pain diminishes quickly and you can start those wonderful pull along animals again very soon.
I also hope that it doesn't prevent those shows that you have been looking forward to.