For some time now, perhaps the past 2 years or so, I've had a recurring lump on my face, just under my left eye.
It used to be tiny, would hang around for a while, then disappear as quickly as it had arrived.
Over time it's been getting bigger with each reappearance, and the time intervals have shortened. Just lately the bottom edge of the frame of my glasses has been rubbing against it, and it's been been alternately burning and throbbing.
I'm not usually over-concerned about these things. It's not as if it's destroying any natural beauty or anything. But it's definitely getting bigger and I can feel people looking at it thinking "what's that THING on her face".
All I need is for it to start sprouting hairs and I won't even need to dress up for Halloween.
I know in the grand scheme of things it's the very least of my worries, but it's bothering me now, so today I took my lump to the GP to get it looked at.
He looked at it, prodded it a bit then said it wasn't very noticeable at all. Perhaps he should have gone to Specsavers because even Small Dog has noticed it and she's not renowned for observational skills unrelated to squirrels/pigeons/cats etc.
He then proceeded to regale me with how awful it would be to have it removed. This took me aback slightly. Aren't doctors supposed to reassure you and say stuff like "Now this won't hurt at all" when it patently will.
Being told that it WOULD hurt (despite a local anaesthetic) and would leave a scar wasn't quite what I was expecting. He leavened this advice with the assurance that the scar would be as small and neat as possible and not a great sweeping gash like a pirate's scar.
At this point I wondered if he might have been drinking till I realised he was making an attempt at humour.
So anyway, he's going to make a referral to a plastic surgeon who will take a look at the lump and decide what can be done. Seizing the humour baton and setting off down the home straight with it, I asked if the surgeon might see his way clear to doing something about my jowls and double chin, or a bit of cheek(y) liposuction.
Sadly this request fell on deaf ears and I was then treated to a mini lecture on what the NHS can and can't fund.
Sheesh.... I was only joking!
Needless to say, as soon as I got home, I immediately Googled 'removal of sebaceous cyst' to find out what the procedure entailed.
Honestly, if you're even the slightest bit squeamish or if the mention of causing sebaceous material to spray across the surgery room might make you feel a bit faint, I urge you, under no circumstances to look at THIS LINK. As if that wasn't bad enough, I foolishly decided to watch a YouTube video of the procedure but couldn't get beyond the first 10 seconds.
I can't say I'm looking forward to it, but it's either that or continue to look like the Creature From The Black Lagoon for the foreseeable future.