Admittedly I normally work in what I poetically call creative chaos, but my Scottish grandmother, who didn't mince her words, would almost certainly have referred to as a 'clarty guddle'.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Scottish vernacular......
Clarty: adjective - dirty, filthy
Guddle- noun - a mess, muddle, confusion; one who works in a careless slovenly way.
Harsh but fair.
So over the past few days I have had a clear out.
In other circumstances this would certainly have qualified as displacement activity, but in view of the state of the workroom, and the impossibility of finding so much as a square inch in which to work, it was an absolute necessity.
In other circumstances I would have found the process cathartic, and the filling of various recycling bags with all manner of detritus would have cheered my soul.
However, in these circumstances, just over two weeks away from a major exhibition and nowhere near ready, the clear out, though justified, has left me feeling frustrated and niggly.
I have come to the conclusion that there is no possibility of getting everything on my 'making' list done in time. And there are other more pressing calls on my time, such as completing the stand build, and finishing off the assorted 'in progress' toys on my work table. So I have reluctantly had to ditch whole swathes of ideas. After all, there will be other fairs, and it is always good to have new miniatures in the pipeline.
However I just can't seem to focus on the tasks in hand, and as the deadline approaches (just 17 days to go) I feel transfixed like a rabbit in the glare of oncoming headlights.
Paralysed with fear.
If I start on one thing, I feel guilty that I'm not doing the other thing. There are just so many small tasks to complete that I don't know where to begin.
Somehow, and very, very soon, I need to snap out of this inertia and indecision and just get on with something.........anything. And see it through to completion so that I get a warm glow of achievement, and the logjam will be broken.
I'll let you know...........