I was aimlessly channel-hopping this evening when I came across a current drama offering from Channel 4, Dead Set.
As an aficionado of horror films, albeit the rather more kitsch examples of the genre, from the Hammer Horror era, and having previously seen a trailer, I lingered for a few minutes to see just how 'realistic' the zombies are.
Now, I don't claim to be an expert on zombies.
If I was ever to appear on Mastermind, Zombie Lore would not be my specialist subject.
However, the thing I do know about zombies, their modus operandi if you will, is that they lumber along, dead slowly (sorry, couldn't resist) with their arms outstretched, going "Rrrraaarrrrrrghhh".
However, in the clip I watched, a chap was running along a road with a zombie in hot pursuit.
At full pelt.
He'd certainly have gained a place on the starting blocks in the 100 metres of the Zombie Olympics no problem.
The only concession to reality in the 5 minute segment I watched, was that a bullet straight through the head still does for them. However that is scant comfort.
You see this exactly highlights the topsy-turvy world in which we live. Gone are the old certainties, such that if push came to shove, you could always outrun a zombie in a life-or-death situation.
Now I am painfully aware that sweeping generalisations should be avoided. So in the spirit of investigative journalism I have done some research on the subject and can quote the following salient fact:
Muscular/Skeletal System and Connective Tissue
Changes here are of good news-bad news variety. Yes, zombies are stiff-limbed and slow, yes they move along at a shuffle rather than a sprint. But they are also very powerful, with a vice-like grip and jaws that can bite through metal.
So there you have it.
Proof, if it were ever needed, that most reasonably able-bodied humans could easily outmanoeuvre a zombie.
Incidentally, that quote was taken from the seminal, authoritative and highly respected website run by The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (1868-1975)headed by Dr. Hugo Pecos, Director Emeritus.
Quite why werewolves are excluded from the title is a mystery, as I was of the belief that vampires and werewolves worked hand in glove so to speak. However further investigation on the site revealed that "while FVZA was primarily devoted to containment of vampires and zombies, the agency did on occasion conduct werewolf investigations. In fact, werewolf incidents became such a concern that the FVZA Academy curriculum was expanded in 1937 to include werewolf training.
Don't you just LOVE the Internet?